Sports Are Dumb

As each year passes, I start to appreciate the years that none of my favorite teams are good. I have come to love those years because there is no build up for the inevitable letdown. And the better your team is supposed to be, the bigger the letdown. I think George Costanza captures this sentiment best when he said “I don’t want hope. Hope is killing me. My dream is to become hopeless. Because when you’re hopeless, you don’t care.”

I don’t want to care. I don’t want to care if my team gets steamrolled by the Buffalo fucking Bills. But I do. I do a lot. My day today was affected by the horrors of yesterday’s game. And that’s fucked up.

Unfortunately, that is not realistic. I am doomed to ride the emotional roller coaster. There are four professional teams (shout out to the Lynx though) in Minnesota, and chances are at least one team has enough talent to have a chance.

But I think I have the answer. You’ve got to be “that guy”. The guy that ALWAYS brings up all the devastating losses, freak injuries, terrible trades and bad breaks that every Minnesota sports fan has been subject to since 1991. Rain on people’s parades. Shit on their hope. Because its a win-win scenario.

I know, it’s genius. If we lose, you were right again. I mean who doesn’t love when the words “I called it” roll off your tongue? No one is the answer. And if they win? Who cares if you’re wrong, your team just won a championship!

So far all of you out there fearing impending doom for the Vikings, and probably all of our other teams, just be negative. The glass is half empty, the sun will not come out tomorrow and things don’t happen for a reason. Unless they do… then, fuck yeah!

Joey Lash