St. Cloud Man of The Week: Spooky Morning Glory
Gramps
With Halloween just around the corner many of us start to get into the spirit with picking out our Halloween costumes, putting spooky decorations up around the house and adding candy to our shopping list for when the kids start knocking on the door. Well, this weeks St. Cloud Man of The Week couldn’t wait any longer to trick, and slash or, “treat” one unsuspecting lady by doing none of those things.
Early Friday the 19th morning, just past 6a.m. officials received a call from a female stating there was a unknown male in her bedroom. While some of you females who may have had a crazy Thirsty Thursday in St. Cloud, just like my whore of a ex-wife, might be thinking “Just, like um, tell him to leave, why would she call the police-ah?” Well, it turns out the male was actually uninvited and just showed up around 6a.m. waking her from her slumber, by walking around her bedroom in his birthday suit smelling and touching her unmentionables while aggressively touching himself, sexually.
Startled the lady screamed and called the cops immediately, at this point the man realized he wasn’t alone in Happy Town anymore and fled the scene. When the officials showed up the woman stated she had no knowledge of how the trespasser had entered her section of a “multi-home fortified fortress” but was able to give a very very specific detailed description of the intruder.
The victim described the male as 5 foot 5 to 5 foot 8, beer bellying having 30-40 year old, short hair to shaved head, facial hair around the jaw line, larger lips (although she didn’t include a reference to what normal lips were) and a hairy chest. So officials are literally on the look for every male in St. Cloud within that height range but even after days of rigorous searching the unknown St. Cloud Man is still at large.
Lessons Learned:
“St. Cloud Man” is a nut job.
It’s always a little spookier this time of year.
There is a man who resembles the most average man alive that’s enjoying his morning glory.